VAN HELSING… SUCKED (Get it?! Vampires? Sucked?)

The special effects in Van Helsing were not too bad. Some of the effects (makeup, morphing, electric explosions, etc.) were really pretty good, but most of the stunts and chase/escape scenes were insulting and laughably bad. The worst stunt/effect scene is where Van Helsing’s coach jumps a 45-50 foot canyon pulled by a team of horses. You can actually watch the computer animated horses and coach lift off and gain altitude, as if they’re being lifted by a massive swell of hot air over the icy canyon. The dialog was pitiful. The acting was sad, as if the actors were first-timers. Kate Beckinsale looked awesome as usual (her best look was in “Underworld”!) and Hugh Jackman fit the part of Van Helsing “to a T”.

One thing that irks me is the fact that Carl’s Junior has decided that they should use the characters of Dracula’s wives for their hamburger ads. What moron thought this was a good match? Blood-sucking bitches from hell are supposed to whet our appetites for burgers and fries? Flesh eating undead + 1/2 pound of hamburger = yum!

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